بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
What is Marriage in Islam?
فَانكِحُوا
مَا طَابَ لَكُم مِّنَ النِّسَاءِ
4:3
The
word ‘Nikah’ in the Quran only comes in the context of it being a mutual
agreement to get married. Once this is completed, it binds them both into a
contract (which they are then responsible for).
-Ibn al-Qayyim
|
It’s the practice of the pious before us
وَلَقَدْ
أَرْسَلْنَا رُسُلًا مِنْ قَبْلِكَ وَجَعَلْنَا لَهُمْ أَزْوَاجًا وَذُرِّيَّةً
13:38
Marriage
is an ancient practice, since the time Allah created Adam, and it continued
among his descendants, the Messengers and Prophets, and others.
-Ibn Uthaymin
|
Before or After Marriage - All Adults Need
Subr
قَالَ رَبِّ السِّجْنُ أَحَبُّ إِلَيَّ مِمَّا يَدْعُونَنِي
إِلَيْهِ وَإِلاَّ تَصْرِفْ عَنِّي كَيْدَهُنَّ أَصْبُ إِلَيْهِنَّ وَأَكُن مِّنَ
الْجَاهِلِينَ
12:33
Yusuf
(peace be upon him) asked about remaining in jail and isolated because he
knew, had he been released he would be tempted again.
-Ibn Taymiyyah
|
The encouragement to get married
Ibn Mas’ood (may Allah be pleased with him) said:
We were with some of the youth and they complained about
not being able to marry as they couldn’t put forth a dowry.
So the Messenger of Allah said, “O young men, whoever is
able to get married then he should do so (i.e. has the means or is able to
marry without a financial dowry, or even no dowry) and if he is not able, then
he should lower his gaze – this will be better for his lusts; and whoever is
still not able, then he should fast because this will be a shield for him.”
Al-Bukhari (5065) and Muslim (1400)
Ibn Mas’ood said later said, “If I only had ten days to
live and I knew that I would die at the end of them, and I had any desire to
get married, I would get married, for fear of fitnah (temptation).”
It was narrated that Sa’eed ibn Jubayr said: Ibn ‘Abbaas
said to me: “Have you gotten married?” I said: “No.” He said: “Get
married, for the best of this Ummah are the ones with the most wives.”
Ibraaheem ibn Maysarah said: Tawoos said to me: “Either
get married, or I will say to you what ‘Umar said to Abu’l-Zawaa’id: ‘Nothing
is keeping you from getting married except impotence or immorality.’”
Tawoos also said, “Worship is not complete of a devout
worshipper until he marries.”
Tarbiyyah: The Framework of Islam
Before looking at Tarbiyyah, let’s look a parable of the
Dunya…
The
Dunya is like a prostitute (for the one without Tarbiyyah):
She
will give herself to you if you sacrifice your assets.
The
more you chase her, the more (money) she will want in return.
After
all of that, she will leave you if someone comes with a higher offer.
And
you will be left ruined, embarrassed and robbed.
-Ibn al-Qayyim
|
Tarbiyyah begins at home…
Tarbiyyah of the individual and the household is
extremely important.
| Whoever neglects to teach his child that
which will benefit him, and leaves him without any guidance, has wronged him
gravely. Most children’s deviance is because of their parents and the
parents’ neglect and failure to teach them the obligatory religious duties
and the sunnah of the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him), so
they neglected them when they were small.… How many are the parents who were the cause of their children’s misfortune and suffering in this world and the hereafter, because of their negligence and failure to discipline the child, and their encouraging and helping him to pursue his whims and desires. By doing that, they think that they are being kind to the child, at the time when they are disgracing him, and they think that they are showing mercy to him at the time when they are wronging him. Thus the child will be of no benefit to his parent, and the parent is the cause of the child’s misfortune and of his missing out on opportunities for success in this world and the hereafter… If you think of the causes of children’s misguidance and corruption, you will see that it is mostly the fault of the parents.
-Ibn al-Qayyim
|
Therefore, stages of Tarbiyyah include:
-Individuals
-Families and homes
-Marriage – Children
Mother
A man
said: O Messenger of Allaah, which of the people is most deserving of my good
companionship? He said: “Your mother, then your mother, then your mother, then
your father, then the next closest and the next closest.”
Narrated by Muslim (2548)
Father
“Your father is the door for the depth of Jannah; its up
to you – either you break the door or lock it.”
At-Tirmidhi
(1900) and Ibn Majah (2089)
Wife
“This
world is temporary pleasures and the best of the temporary pleasures of this
world is a righteous wife.”
Muslim (2668)
Children
“It is sufficient
sin for a man if he neglect those whom he is responsible for.”
Abu Dawood (1692)
-Communities
This
framework is a proof for Islam’s truthfulness (and sincerity)
-Ibn al-Uthaymin
|
Question: How does a person’s
framework become manipulated?
Answer: excessive indulgences:
“Two things I love from your
Dunya: perfume and women.”
An-Nasai
(3939)
Desires
create love, that's why he loved from the Dunya women and perfume because
these two brought him joy and reduced desires for anything else.
-Shaykh Hisham Tahiri
|
Tawus
said, “Being detached from the Dunya gives the soul and body a relaxation, but
seeking the Dunya increases them both in sadness and depression.”
Shaytan
will make a person slip in five ways. If he can’t achieve one, he will try
with the other:
1-Kufr
2-Major
sin
3-Leaving
that which is better
4-Falling
into disliked
5-Heavy
in indulgences (because a person thinks they’re safe – Mubah)
-Ibn al-Qayyim
|
Examples of indulgences which destroy or harm the framework:
1-Mixing
The opposite of the framework is Zina.
Types of Zina which are always found in modern forms of
socialising between genders:
“The Zina of the eyes is looking, the Zina of the ears is
hearing, the Zina of the hands is touching and the Zina of the feet is walking.
The heart is easily persuaded and it has hopes and all of this is then
confirmed by his private parts.”
Muslim
(2657)
Islam differentiates between the following:
1-“being alone” (الخلوة)
“No two are left alone except Shaytan is the third.”
At-Tirmidhi (1171)
There
is consensus that mixing between the genders, for a woman to be alone is not
permitted.
-An-Nawawi
|
2-“mixing and socialising” (الاختلاط)
Freely
talking (without chastity, modesty and responsibility) is from the worst of
sins – all of this is found in gender mixed environments. Before the Prophet
came, the Arabs used to indulge heavily in this so things like adultery,
provocative speech and glances etc. all became normal until it ruined them.
-Ibn al-Jawzi
|
3-“a relationship” (العلاقة)
Shaykh Muhammad bin Ibrahim said:
There are three scenarios:
1.
A man mixing
with his relatives, this is undoubtedly permitted.
2.
Mixing between
the genders, without restriction, then this is prohibited.
3.
BUT there is
another scenario: mixing for a valid reason, such as studies, work,
appointments etc.
Some people dismiss this one as
not being permitted, however, in reality the religion gives it a general and
detailed description:
General – Allah, the Most High,
has made the sexes to incline towards one another and if there is a weakness
and the mixing is treated downplayed, then this will lead to negative
consequences. Because humans are weak, they are error-prone.
There is no doubt that enabling women to
mix with men is the basis of all calamities and evils, and it is one of the
greatest causes of calamity that affects everybody, as well as being one of
the causes of corruption in public and private affairs. Mixing of men with
women is the cause of a great deal of immoral actions (divorce rates? teenage
pregnancies?) and Zina, and it is one of the causes of widespread death
(AIDS, HIV??) and ongoing diseases (STD’s?).
-Ibn
al-Qayyim
|
Detailed – the Shari’ah is
pragmatic at it bases its objectives upon attaining an noble aim. It implements
this with utmost wisdom.
For example:
قُل
لِّلْمُؤْمِنِينَ يَغُضُّوا مِنْ أَبْصَارِهِمْ وَيَحْفَظُوا فُرُوجَهُمْ ذَلِكَ
أَزْكَى لَهُمْ إِنَّ اللَّهَ خَبِيرٌ بِمَا يَصْنَعُونَ * وَقُل لِّلْمُؤْمِنَاتِ
يَغْضُضْنَ مِنْ أَبْصَارِهِنَّ
24:30-31
The point here, the believing men
and women have been commanded to be modest in their gazes and has taken all
means for the chastity of their hearts to remain preserved.
Islam knows that some gazes can’t
be averted, thus such have no ruling on them – such as the first one.
Its reported in al-Hakim on the
authority of Ali (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allah be upon him) said, “O Ali, don’t follow gaze after gaze. The
first one you are pardoned for but you are not excused for staring.”
This is because staring leads to a
person to ponder and focus on the beauties of the opposite gender, and this
creates an unchaste infatuation; which could then lead to something worse.
Therefore, the Shari’ah prohibits
anything which will bring about corruption a person and the broader community.
Question: does this
mean Islam is repressive towards women?
فَإِنْ أَطَعْنَكُمْ فَلَا
تَبْغُوا عَلَيْهِنَّ سَبِيلًا ۗ إِنَّ اللَّهَ كَانَ عَلِيًّا كَبِيرًا
4:34
This
is a stern warning to men: if they are to harm women without any just cause
then Allah is “Powerful” and “Greater” than they are.
-Ibn Kathir
|
“The best of women are those who are independent with
their transportation, most compassionate towards their dependants and best in
support of their husbands.”
Muslim
(2527)
Islam
obligates the man of spending and maintenance, therefore responsibilities are
taken seriously in Islam. This aside, men and women are equal in terms of
seeking out their purpose in life. This is why the Quran addresses both
genders equally in this context.
-Ibn Uthaymin
|
Immoral images and songs
This
is extreme negligence because if a person was to see an image of a woman,
regardless of whether it is an electronic image or an image in the newspapers
etc., it will undoubtedly be a cause of temptation that will impact the
desires of the opposite gender. It will be as if a male is actually looking
at a female in person, and this point is in line with our common sense.
I have
even heard that some of the youth nowadays store pictures on their devices of
beautiful women so that they can repeatedly look at her. This is proof that
these images have become a major source of temptation for people. Therefore,
it is not permissible to look at such photos, whether it be in the magazines
or anywhere else (i.e. Twitter, Facebook, a profile picture, a picture of a
female contact etc.).
If
these images are continued to be put up then it will be a source of
temptation so that people will continue looking at them and gaining pleasure
by it, and all of this will cause a deficiency in one’s religion.
Furthermore, continually looking at these images (including explicit images
of the opposite gender) will cause these images to remain carved in one’s
memory.
-Ibn Uthaymin
|
Reisman. J (2004) suggested that not only do explicit
images remain imprinted in the brain of the viewer but it creates alterations
of the brain. It causes memory and mind loss and creates infatuation and
addiction.
Taking wrong role models
قَالَ رَبِّ
السِّجْنُ أَحَبُّ إِلَيَّ مِمَّا يَدْعُونَنِي إِلَيْهِ وَإِلاَّ تَصْرِفْ عَنِّي
كَيْدَهُنَّ أَصْبُ إِلَيْهِنَّ وَأَكُن مِّنَ الْجَاهِلِينَ
12:33
“Whoever imitates a people, he is from
them.”
Abu
Dawood (4031)
‘Umar ibn al-Khattaab rejected the testimony of the
person who plucked his beard.
Al-Faari (may Allah have mercy on
him) said: i.e., whoever makes himself resemble the kuffaar (religious symbol)
or immoral people, then he is one of them, i.e., he shares the sin with
them.
Al-Munaawi and al-‘Alqami said: i.e.,
dressing as they dress, following their way of life in clothes and some of the
things they do.
Al-Qaari said: i.e., whoever imitates the kuffaar
(religious symbol), such as in how one dresses, etc., or imitates the evil and
immoral people, or the Sufis or the righteous, is one of the people whom he
imitates, whether they are good or
bad.
A hope to remain in the Dunya
The Dunya never stays the same and in
ourselves we have a sign:
When we come out – we are fresh,
pleasant and innocent.
Then
older we get and the novelty wears off and we are exposed to Fitnah – until
death we are tested.
The Dunya calls its follower to make his/her life
revolve around two things: 1) assets and 2) status.
This is because these two are needed for all of
our secondary desires to be fulfilled.
The wolf is called such (in many narrations)
because he wants to destroy property and uphold his status – thus being a
destroyer.
-Ibn Taymiyyah
|
No comments:
Post a Comment