THE OBLIGATION OF
ADVISING ONE’S WIFE AND CHILDREN TO BE OBEDEINT
وَأْمُرْ أَهْلَكَ بِالصَّلاةِ وَاصْطَبِرْ عَلَيْهَا لا
نَسْأَلُكَ رِزْقًا نَّحْنُ نَرْزُقُكَ وَالْعَاقِبَةُ لِلتَّقْوَى
20:132
يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا قُوا أَنفُسَكُمْ وَأَهْلِيكُمْ
نَارًا
66:6
REFLECT
on the story of Ibrahim and his relationship with Ismail:
-He
was given a child at a very old age, this means nurturing and maintaining would
have been difficult.
-THEN,
he was told to slaughter the very child he longed and toiled for!
But
they submitted.
As
a result:
-Their
worship was accepted and were brought close to Allah.
-They
were made Imam’s and had the best of man come from them both.
-They
both took something barren (Shirk/desert) and gave it life (Eman/Makkah).
298-Al-Hasan
bin 'Ali (May Allah be pleased with them) took one of the dates of the Sadaqah (charity)
and put it in his mouth, whereupon Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said, "Leave it, leave it, throw it away. Do you not know
that we do not eat the Sadaqah (charity)?"
-Similar to Ibrahim teaching his
child Subr.
299-'Umar bin Abu Salamah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported:
I was a boy under the care of Messenger of Allah (ﷺ), and my hand would wander about in the dish. Messenger of
Allah (ﷺ) said to me "Mention
Allah's Name (i.e., say Bismillah before you start eating), eat with your right
hand and eat from what is near to you". I always followed this way of
eating after this incident.
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One of the things of which the child is in the greatest need is
paying attention to his attitude, for he will grow up in the way that the
educator accustomed him to from an early age, be it stubbornness, anger,
argumentativeness, being hasty, being influenced by whims and desires,
foolishness, being temperamental and greed.
Then when he grows up it will be difficult for him to deal with
these characteristics, and these attitudes will become deeply rooted in his
character. Hence you find that most people have bad attitudes and behaviour;
this is because of bad upbringing.
-Ibn al-Qayyim
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300-"All
of you are guardians and are responsible for your subjects. The ruler is a
guardian and responsible for his subjects; the man is a guardian of his family;
the woman is guardian in her husband's house and responsible for her wards; a servant
is guardian of his master's property and responsible for his ward. So all of
you are guardians and are responsible for your subjects".
301-"Command
your children to perform Salat (prayer) when they are seven years old, and beat
(??) them for (not offering) it when they are ten, and do not let (boys and
girls) sleep together".
302-"Teach
a boy Salat (the prayer) when he attains the age of seven years, and rebuke him
(if he does not offer it) at ten".
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As for teaching it to them when
they are younger than seven, that is not obligatory; in most cases they do
not learn properly what is taught to them and they are not able to do what
they are told. But when they reach the age of seven, they are able to discern
and learn properly what they are taught.
At that age it becomes obligatory
for their parents to teach them, but they do not have to smack them if they
do not do it.
When they reach the age of ten, it
becomes obligatory to smack them if they do not pray, but the smack should
not be painful or cause injury, and it should be in places where there is no
fear of causing injury.
And when they reach puberty, they
are now regarded as accountable, so they should be reminded and they have to
purify themselves, pray and do all other obligatory duties.
-Al-Mawardi
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RIGHTS OF THE NEIGHBOUR
AND GUIDANCE ON IT
وَاعْبُدُواْ اللَّهَ وَلاَ تُشْرِكُواْ بِهِ
شَيْئًا وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًا وَبِذِي الْقُرْبَى وَالْيَتَامَى
وَالْمَسَاكِينِ وَالْجَارِ ذِي الْقُرْبَى وَالْجَارِ الْجُنُبِ وَالصَّاحِبِ
بِالجَنبِ وَابْنِ السَّبِيلِ وَمَا مَلَكَتْ أَيْمَانُكُمْ إِنَّ اللَّهَ لاَ
يُحِبُّ مَن كَانَ مُخْتَالاً فَخُورًا
4:36
-The
majority say what’s customary
Shafi’s
say 40 doors each way.
Hanafis
say same Masjid
303-
"Jibril kept recommending treating neighbours with kindness until I
thought he would assign a share of inheritance".
-From
the best of deeds that a person can do for himself, family and community.
304-
"O Abu Dharr! Whenever you prepare a broth, put plenty of water in it, and
and give some of it to your neighbours".
-How can a person benefit and his
neighbour is suffering?
305-
"By Allah, he is not a believer! By Allah, he is not a believer! By Allah,
he is not a believer." It was asked, "Who is that, O Messenger of
Allah?" He said, "One whose neighbour does not feel safe from his
evil".
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Kind treatment of neighbours is enjoined and
is recommended, whether they are Muslim or not. And this is the right thing
to do. Kind treatment may be in the sense of helping or it may be in the
sense of being kind, refraining from annoyance and standing by them.
-Al-Qurtubi
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306-
"O Muslim women! No one of you should consider insignificant (a gift) to
give to her neighbour even if it is (a gift of) the trotters of a sheep".
-The Prophet used to supplicate
against having bad neighbours (اللَّهُمَّ إنِّي أّعُوذُ
بِكَ مِنْ جَارِ السُّوءِ), but this
means one must reflect upon himself before his surroundings!
307-
"No one should prohibit his neighbour from placing a peg in his
wall". Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) added: Now I see you
turning away from this (Sunnah), but by Allah, I shall go on proclaiming it.
-The Majority say that the neighbour
has right to Shuf’ah.
-They are all agreed that all parties
must life with cooperation and interchange.
308-
"He who believes in Allah and the Last Day let him not harm his
neighbour; and he who believes in Allah and the Last Day let him show
hospitality to his guest; and he who believes in Allah and the Last Day let him
speak good or remain silent".
309-
"He who believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him be kind to his
neighbour; and he who believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him show
hospitality to his guest; and he who believes in Allah and the Last Day, let
him either speak good or remain silent".
310-
'Aishah (May Allah be pleased with
her) reported:
I said, "O Messenger of Allah (ﷺ),
I have two neighbours, to which of them should I send a present?" He (ﷺ) replied, "To the one whose door is nearer to you".
311-
"The best of companions with Allah is the one who is best to his
companions, and the best of neighbours to Allah is the one who is the best of
them to his neighbour".
-All
of these aspects are part of Eman and its perfection.
DUTIFUL TO
PARENTS AND SEALING TIES OF KINSHIP
وَاعْبُدُواْ اللَّهَ وَلاَ تُشْرِكُواْ بِهِ
شَيْئًا وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًا وَبِذِي الْقُرْبَى وَالْيَتَامَى
وَالْمَسَاكِينِ وَالْجَارِ ذِي الْقُرْبَى وَالْجَارِ الْجُنُبِ وَالصَّاحِبِ
بِالجَنبِ وَابْنِ السَّبِيلِ وَمَا مَلَكَتْ أَيْمَانُكُمْ إِنَّ اللَّهَ لاَ
يُحِبُّ مَن كَانَ مُخْتَالاً فَخُورًا
4:36
يَا أَيُّهَا النَّاسُ اتَّقُواْ رَبَّكُمُ الَّذِي
خَلَقَكُم مِّن نَّفْسٍ وَاحِدَةٍ وَخَلَقَ مِنْهَا زَوْجَهَا وَبَثَّ مِنْهُمَا
رِجَالاً كَثِيرًا وَنِسَاء وَاتَّقُواْ اللَّهَ الَّذِي تَسَاءَلُونَ بِهِ
وَالأَرْحَامَ إِنَّ اللَّهَ كَانَ عَلَيْكُمْ رَقِيبًا
4:1
Linguistically, Arhaam – Rahim
(mercy)
وَالَّذِينَ يَصِلُونَ مَا أَمَرَ اللَّهُ بِهِ أَن
يُوصَلَ وَيَخْشَوْنَ رَبَّهُمْ وَيَخَافُونَ سُوءَ الْحِسَابِ
13:21
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Mercy and blessings
doesn’t descend on those who cut ties
This includes if there is
someone in the family who has cut the ties and they aid him or don’t correct
him
-as-Sana’ani
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وَوَصَّيْنَا الإِنسَانَ بِوَالِدَيْهِ حُسْنًا
وَإِن جَاهَدَاكَ لِتُشْرِكَ بِي مَا لَيْسَ لَكَ بِهِ عِلْمٌ فَلا تُطِعْهُمَا
إِلَيَّ مَرْجِعُكُمْ فَأُنَبِّئُكُم بِمَا كُنتُمْ تَعْمَلُونَ
29:8
وَقَضَى
رَبُّكَ أَلاَّ تَعْبُدُواْ إِلاَّ إِيَّاهُ وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًا إِمَّا
يَبْلُغَنَّ عِندَكَ الْكِبَرَ أَحَدُهُمَا أَوْ كِلاهُمَا فَلاَ تَقُل لَّهُمَا
أُفٍّ وَلاَ تَنْهَرْهُمَا وَقُل لَّهُمَا قَوْلاً كَرِيمًا
وَاخْفِضْ
لَهُمَا جَنَاحَ الذُّلِّ مِنَ الرَّحْمَةِ وَقُل رَّبِّ ارْحَمْهُمَا كَمَا
رَبَّيَانِي صَغِيرًا
رَّبُّكُمْ
أَعْلَمُ بِمَا فِي نُفُوسِكُمْ إِن تَكُونُواْ صَالِحِينَ فَإِنَّهُ كَانَ
لِلأَوَّابِينَ غَفُورًا
17:23-24
-Make Dua for them, Istighfar,
help them to improve, advise and give Shukr to Allah and them
-Not doing any of these, whilst
alive or after death, is Uqooq (disobedience)
وَوَصَّيْنَا الإِنسَانَ بِوَالِدَيْهِ حَمَلَتْهُ
أُمُّهُ وَهْنًا عَلَى وَهْنٍ وَفِصَالُهُ فِي عَامَيْنِ أَنِ اشْكُرْ لِي
وَلِوَالِدَيْكَ إِلَيَّ الْمَصِيرُ
31:14
312- 'Abdullah bin Mas'ud (May Allah be
pleased with him) reported:
I asked the Prophet (ﷺ)
, "Which of the deeds is loved most by Allah?" Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said, "Salat at its proper time." I asked, ''What
next?" He (ﷺ) replied, ''Kindness to
parents." I asked, ''What next?" He replied, ''Jihad in the way of
Allah."
313- "No son can repay (the
kindness shown by his father) unless he finds him a slave and buys him and
emancipates him".
-Spending on them is Wajib if 1)
you have surplus and 2) they have a need
-Some said if one is unable to
look after them, he employ someone who will
314- "He who believes in
Allah and the Last Day, let him be hospitable to his guest; and he who believes
in Allah and the Last Day, let him maintain good the ties of blood
relationship; and he who believes in Allah and the Last Day, must speak good or
remain silent".
315- "Allah created all the
creatures and when He finished the task of His creation, Ar-Rahm (ties of
relationship) said: '(O Allah) at this place I seek refuge with You against
severing my ties.' Allah said: 'That I treat with kindness those who treat you
with kindness and sever ties with those who sever ties with you.' It said: 'I
am satisfied.' Allah said: 'Then this is yours". Then Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said, "Recite this Ayah if you like: 'Would you then, if
you were given the authority, do mischief in the land, and sever your ties of
kinship? Such are they whom Allah has cursed, so that He has made them deaf and
blinded their sight". (47:22,23).
The words in Al-Bukhari are:
Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said,
"Allah (SWT) says: 'He who maintains good ties with you, I maintain good
ties with him; and he who severs your ties, I sever ties with him".
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Rahim because it's honoured and by it we
have harmony
Uqooq is called uqooq because by it cuts
off goodness and harmony
-an-Nawawi
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316- "O Messenger of Allah!
Who is most deserving of my fine treatment?" He (ﷺ) said, "Your mother, then your mother, then your mother,
then your father, then your nearest, then nearest".
But how?
Anything that is good to
them in what is accepted in the Urf or customs
The objective is bring them
easy and make them happy
317- "May he be disgraced!
May he be disgraced! May he be disgraced, whose parents, one or both, attain
old age during his life time, and he does not enter Jannah (by rendering being
dutiful to them)".
Not upholding ties is a
means of having punishment in the Dunya
318- A man said to Messenger of
Allah (ﷺ): "I
have relatives with whom I try to keep the ties of relationship but they sever
relations with me; and whom I treat kindly but they treat me badly, I am gentle
with them but they are rough to me." He (ﷺ) replied, "If you are as you say, it is as if you are
feeding them hot ashes, and you will be with a supporter against them from
Allah as long as you continue to do so".
Even if they are mean and want to
cut off ties with you
319- "He who desires ample
provisions and his life be prolonged, should maintain good ties with his blood
relations"
320- Abu Talhah (May Allah be
pleased with him) was the richest among the Ansar of Al-Madinah and possessed
the largest property; and among his possessions what he loved most was his
garden known as Bairuha' which was opposite the mosque, and Messenger of Allah
(ﷺ) often visited it and drank from its fresh water. When this
ayah was revealed: "By no means shall you attain Al-Birr (piety,
righteousness - here it means Allah's reward, i.e., Jannah), unless you spend
(in Allah's Cause) of that which you love," (3:92). Abu Talhah came to
Messenger of Allah (ﷺ), and said:
"Allah says in His Book: 'By no means shall you attain Al-Birr, unless you
spend (in Allah's Cause) of that which you love,' and the dearest of my
property is Bairuha' so I have given it as Sadaqah (charity) for Allah's sake,
and I anticipate its reward with Him; so spend it, O Messenger of Allah, as
Allah guides you". Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said, "Well-done! That is profitable property. I have
heard what you have said, but I think you should spend it on your nearest
relatives." So Abu Talhah distributed it among his nearest relatives and
cousins.
321- A man came to the Prophet (ﷺ) of Allah and said, "I swear allegiance to you for
emigration and Jihad, seeking reward from Allah." He (ﷺ) said, "Is any of your parents alive?" He said,
"Yes, both of them are alive." He (ﷺ) then asked, "Do you want to seek reward from Allah?"
He replied in the affirmative. Thereupon Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said, "Go back to your parents and keep good company with
them".
-We cannot abandon our parents if they need us,
this includes studying, Hijrah, Hajj etc.
-In fact, some of them said one is not allowed
to leave their side without their permission
322- "The person who
perfectly maintains the ties of kinship is not the one who does it because he
gets recompensed by his relatives (for being kind and good to them), but the
one who truly maintains the bonds of kinship is the one who persists in doing
so even though the latter has severed the ties of kinship with him".
323- "The bond of
relationship is suspending from the Throne, and says: 'He who keeps good
relations with me, Allah will keep connection with him, but whosoever severs
relations with me, Allah will sever connection with him".
324- It has been narrated that
Maimuna bint Al-Harith (May Allah be pleased with her) had set free a
slave-girl without the Prophet's permission. When her turn came (the Prophet (ﷺ) used to visit his wives in turns), she made mention of that to
him saying, "Did you know I have set slave-girl free?" He said,
"Have you, indeed?" She replied, "Yes". He (ﷺ) then remarked, "Had you given her to your maternal
uncles, you would have your reward increased".
325- Asma' bint Abu Bakr As-Siddiq (May
Allah be pleased with her) said:
My mother came to me while she was still a polytheist, so I asked
Messenger of Allah (ﷺ), "My mother, who is
ill-disposed to Islam, has come to visit me. Shall I maintain relations with
her?" He (ﷺ) replied, "Yes, maintain
relations with your mother".
If a person fears harm from
his parents it's either because they want them to improve a weakness
It maybe that the parent
themselves has problems so he should advise
It maybe that the parent is
sinning and in this case either he stays away if he fears from them greater
harm or has Subr with them and advises
326- Zainab Ath-Thaqafiyah (May Allah be
pleased with her) the wife of 'Abdullah bin Mas'ud (May Allah be pleased with
him) reported:
When Messenger of Allah (ﷺ)
told the women that they should give Sadaqah (charity), even if it should be
some of their jewellery, I returned to 'Abdullah bin Mas'ud and said, "You
are a man who does not possess much, and Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) has commanded us to give Sadaqah. So go and ask him if giving
to you will serve the purpose; otherwise, I shall give it to someone
else."
He asked me that I should better go myself. I went and found a woman of
the Ansar at the door of Messenger of Allah (ﷺ),
waiting to ask a similar question as mine. The Prophet (ﷺ) was endowed with dignity, and so we could not go in.
When Bilal (May Allah be pleased with him) came out to us, we said to
him: "Go to Messenger of Allah (ﷺ)
and tell him that there are two women at the door who have come to ask him
whether it will serve them to give Sadaqah to their husbands and to orphans who
are in their charge, but do not tell him who we are.
Bilal (May Allah be pleased with him) went in and asked him, and
Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) asked him who the women
were. When he told him that they were a woman of the Ansar and Zainab, he asked
him which Zainab it was, and when he was told it was the wife of 'Abdullah bin
Mas'ud, he (ﷺ) said, "They will have a
double reward, one for maintaining the ties of kinship and another for Sadaqah".
327- Abu Sufyan Sakhr bin Harb (May Allah
be pleased with him) mentioned Heraclius in a long Hadith and said:
Heraclius asked me, "What does this Prophet (ﷺ) teach you?" I said, "He orders us to worship Allah
Alone and not to associate a thing with Him in worship, to discard what our
ancestors said, to perform the Salat (prayer), speak the truth, and maintain
the ties of kinship".
328- "You will soon conquer
a land where people deal with Qirat."
And according to another version: Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said, "You will soon conquer Egypt where Al-Qirat is frequently mentioned. So when you conquer it, treat its inhabitants well. For there lies upon you the responsibility because of blood ties or relationship (with them)".
And according to another version: Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said, "You will soon conquer Egypt where Al-Qirat is frequently mentioned. So when you conquer it, treat its inhabitants well. For there lies upon you the responsibility because of blood ties or relationship (with them)".
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-A characteristic of those who do not seek the hereafter and
having Taqwa
-We all need each other, no pride and that’s how communites are
built
-Sa’d ash-Shathri
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329- Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased
with him) reported:
When this Verse was revealed:
وأنذر عشيرتك الأقربين
"And warn your tribe (O Muhammad
(ﷺ)) of near kindred". (26:214)
Messenger of Allah (ﷺ)
called the Quraish; when they gathered, he said to them: "O sons of 'Abd
Shams; O sons of Ka'b bin Lu'ai, rescue yourselves from the Fire! O sons of
Murrah bin Ka'b, rescue yourselves from the Fire! O sons of 'Abd Manaf, rescue
yourselves from the Fire! O sons of 'Abdul-Muttalib, rescue yourselves from the
Fire! O Fatimah, rescue yourself from the Fire, for I have no power (to protect
you) from Allah in anything except that I would sustain relationship with
you".
330- Abu Abdullah 'Amr bin Al-'as (May
Allah be pleased with them) said:
I heard Messenger of Allah (ﷺ)
saying openly not secretly, "The family of so-and-so (i.e., Abu Talib) are
not my supporters. My supporter is Allah and the righteous believing people.
But they (that family) have kinship (Rahm) with whom I will maintain good the
ties of kinship".
331- A man came to Messenger of
Allah (ﷺ) and said,
"Direct me to a deed which will admit me to Jannah and take me away from
the Fire". The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said, "Worship Allah and associate no partner with Him,
perform As-Salat, pay Zakat, and maintain the ties of kinship".
332- "When you break your fast,
you should do it with a date-fruit for there is blessing in it, and if you do
not find a date- fruit, break it with water for it is pure." Messenger of
Allah (ﷺ) added:
"Charity towards a poor person is charity, and towards a relation is both
charity and maintaining the ties (of kinship)".
333- Ibn 'Umar (May Allah be pleased with
them) reported:
I had a wife whom I loved but 'Umar (May Allah be pleased with him)
disliked her. He asked me to divorce her and when I refused, 'Umar (May Allah
be pleased with him) went to Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) and mentioned the matter to him. Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) asked me to divorce her.
334- Abud-Darda' (May Allah be pleased
with him) reported:
A man came to me and said, "I have a wife whom my mother commands
me to divorce". I replied him that I had heard Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) saying, "A parent is the best of the gates of Jannah; so
if you wish, keep to the gate, or lose it."
-A parent and child must consult
one another and show care for each other’s affairs
-They must be obeyed in things
which are Mubah
-They must be dealt with patience
in matters which conflict against the Sharia
335- "A mother's sister is
equivalent to (real) mother (in status)".
-If parents pass away, those in
similar status of lineage and friends must be maintained and respected
And
Allah Knows best
