ADVICE TO WOMEN
The Companions used to ask about their responsibilities and the rights of dependants. Al-Baqarah has several examples.
ولن تستطيعوا أن تعدلوا بين النساء ولو حرصتم فلا تميلوا كل الميل فتذروها كالمعلقة، وإن تصلحوا وتتقوا فإن اللَّه كان غفوراً رحيماً
A man must be just (about himself also). Justice is to proportionate good and bad habits, look at what is greater and what needs work on…
If she has been good or bad to you, don’t let that prevent you thinking about all the other good that she has done. Don’t limit one another’s favours to one another.
If her bad is greater than the good, then pardon and advise. Sacrifice some of your rights if need be.
Steps to marriage:
1-Work on yourself
2-Work on your family
3-Find a righteous partner
4-Meet and agree objectives
5-Get married and apply the above – seek to improve on step 1
6-Raise children and repeat the loop
The best of those in Eman are those who have the best of manners and behaviour publicly, so how about privately.
The word “manners” is comprehensive and it includes:
-Trying to be good towards others
-Being patient with the bad manners of others and in whatever happens to him.
Narrated from ‘Umar ibn al-Khattaab (may Allaah be pleased with him) that a man came to him wanting to divorce his wife, and when ‘Umar asked him about the reason for that, he said that he did not love her. ‘Umar replied: Are families not built on anything but love.
‘Umar also asked a woman whether she felt hatred towards her husband? She said: Yes. ‘Umar said to her: One of you should lie (about their feelings) and be patient. Not every family is built on love, but on good treatment on the basis of lineage and Islam.
This summarises all of the above: if you are good with one another and work with one another, there is nothing better having one another in the home that you have built with each other.
Piety refers to Eman but it also refers to knowledge and health. This will reproduce a new generation of a bright and intelligent children, who are pious and have the best of upbringing.
RIGHTS OF THE HUSBAND
-The man is commanded to look after the family.
-It is permitted for women to work and contribute but it is not obligated upon.
Despite this, Islam has strict laws on what women wear and mixing between the genders, why is this?
-Islam is not about economy and socialising alone – its about being responsible and building.
-Had we all been instructed to work, the above framework be lost.
1-Not only do have men have a great deal of responsibility, women also have a great share of responsibility towards their husbands also.
2-This Hadith only applies if the husband is upholding the framework and she becomes sinful for trying to break it.
Look what Allah says about the man if he breaks it:
-Even acts of worship can’t disrupt the framework.
-All of you have a responsibility to learn, implement and preserve the framework.
All forms of disrepute between must be prevented, even if either party is busy. It is obligatory for Muslims to stop any kind of discord from appearing.
-Some of our best memories from when we were little is when there were happiness, stability and both mother and father loved one another.
From our worst memories are the opposite.
All of this affects the individual and this WILL affect society.
-The great reward for both parties for preserving the framework.
-The severity of the punishment for both parties for removing or harming the framework.
Some people’s test and path to Jannah is how they fulfil their desires and how they interact with their families. For others, this is easy and their test is elsewhere. Whatever be the persons test, a person can rarely be isolated from being part of the framework.
And Allah Knows best