وَمَا أَرْسَلْنَا مِن قَبْلِكَ إِلاَّ رِجَالاً نُّوحِي إِلَيْهِم مِّنْ أَهْلِ
الْقُرَى
12:109
12:109
وَلَيْسَ الذَّكَرُ كَالأُنثَى
3:36
Rajul and Dhakr is mentioned in these Ayat.
Dhakr (masculinity) is more complete than Rajul (manhood).
وَإِن كَانَ رَجُلٌ يُورَثُ كَلالَةً
4:12
This tells us that it’s not about gender; because man is a
description but masculinity is about quality and substance.
QUESTION: What is masculinity?
Characteristics:
-They are upright and just. Khadija knew this and accepted what
her husband said without the slightest of suspicion.
-Ikhlas towards Allah and His creation.
وَجَاءَ مِنْ أَقْصَى الْمَدِينَةِ رَجُلٌ يَسْعَى قَالَ يَا
قَوْمِ اتَّبِعُوا الْمُرْسَلِينَ
36:20
-Being truthful in wording and in manners.
-Taqwa: always seeking to do the right thing
قَالَ رَجُلانِ مِنَ الَّذِينَ يَخَافُونَ أَنْعَمَ اللَّهُ
عَلَيْهِمَا ادْخُلُواْ عَلَيْهِمُ الْبَابَ فَإِذَا دَخَلْتُمُوهُ فَإِنَّكُمْ
غَالِبُونَ وَعَلَى اللَّهِ فَتَوَكَّلُواْ إِن كُنتُم مُّؤْمِنِينَ
5:23
-Knowledge and Quran; a man leads the prayers, but the best of
men should be chosen.
-They are firm in worship:
فِي بُيُوتٍ أَذِنَ
اللَّهُ أَن تُرْفَعَ وَيُذْكَرَ فِيهَا اسْمُهُ يُسَبِّحُ لَهُ فِيهَا
بِالْغُدُوِّ وَالآصَالِ
رِجَالٌ لّا
تُلْهِيهِمْ تِجَارَةٌ وَلا بَيْعٌ عَن ذِكْرِ اللَّهِ وَإِقَامِ الصَّلاةِ
وَإِيتَاء الزَّكَاةِ يَخَافُونَ يَوْمًا تَتَقَلَّبُ فِيهِ الْقُلُوبُ
وَالأَبْصَارُ
24:36-37
RIGHTS OF THE HUSBAND
الرِّجَالُ قَوَّامُونَ
عَلَى النِّسَاء بِمَا فَضَّلَ اللَّهُ بَعْضَهُمْ عَلَى بَعْضٍ وَبِمَا
أَنفَقُواْ مِنْ أَمْوَالِهِمْ فَالصَّالِحَاتُ قَانِتَاتٌ حَافِظَاتٌ لِّلْغَيْبِ
بِمَا حَفِظَ اللَّهُ
4:34
-The
man is commanded to look after the family.
-It is permitted for women to work and contribute but it is not
obligated upon.
QUESTION:
Despite this, Islam has strict laws on what women wear and mixing
between the genders, why is this?
-Islam is not about economy and socialising alone – its about being
responsible and building.
-Had we all been instructed to work, the above framework be lost.
281- "When a man
calls his wife to his bed, and she does not respond and he (the husband) spends
the night angry with her, the angels pray against her until morning".
1-Not only do have men have a great deal of responsibility, women also
have a great share of responsibility towards their husbands also.
2-This Hadith only applies if the husband is upholding the framework and
she becomes sinful for trying to break it.
Look what Allah says
about the man if he breaks it:
الَّذِينَ يَبْخَلُونَ )أي: يمنعون ما عليهم من الحقوق الواجبة (وَيَأْمُرُونَ
النَّاسَ بِالْبُخْلِ وَيَكْتُمُونَ مَا آتَاهُمُ اللَّهُ مِن فَضْلِهِ )ويظهرون لهم من الباطل ما يحول بينهم وبين الحق (وَأَعْتَدْنَا
لِلْكَافِرِينَ عَذَابًا مُّهِينًا
)ثم
أخبر عن النفقة الصادرة عن رياء وسمعة وعدم إيمان به (وَالَّذِينَ يُنفِقُونَ أَمْوَالَهُمْ
رِئَاء النَّاسِ وَلاَ يُؤْمِنُونَ بِاللَّهِ وَلاَ بِالْيَوْمِ الآخِرِ وَمَن
يَكُنِ الشَّيْطَانُ لَهُ قَرِينًا فَسَاء قَرِينًا
4:37-38
282- "It is
not lawful for a woman to observe (voluntary) fasting without the permission of
her husband when he is at home; and she should not allow anyone to enter his
house without his permission."
-Even acts of
worship can’t disrupt the framework.
283- "All of you are guardians
and are responsible for your subjects. The ruler is a guardian of his subjects,
the man is a guardian of his family, the woman is a guardian and is responsible
for her husband's house and his offspring; and so all of you are guardians and
are responsible for your subjects."
-All of you have a
responsibility to learn, implement and preserve the framework.
284- "When a man calls his wife
to satisfy his desire, she must go to him even if she is occupied with the
oven".
All forms of
disrepute between must be prevented, even if either party is busy. It is
obligatory for Muslims to stop any kind of discord from appearing.
-Ibn Uthaymin
|
285- "If I were to order anyone
to prostrate himself before another, I would have ordered a woman to prostrate
herself before her husband".
-Some of our best
memories from when we were little is when there were happiness, stability and
both mother and father loved one another.
From our worst
memories are the opposite.
All of this
affects the individual and this WILL affect society.
286- "Any woman dies while her
husband is pleased with her, she will enter Jannah".
287- "Whenever a woman harms her
husband in this world (that is without any due right), his wife among the
(Houris in Jannah) says: 'You must not harm him. May Allah destroy you! He is
only a passing guest with you and is about to leave you to come to us".
-The great reward
for both parties for preserving the framework.
-The severity of
the punishment for both parties for removing or harming the framework.
288- "I am not leaving behind me
a more harmful trial for men than women".
Some people’s test
and path to Jannah is how they fulfil their desires and how they interact with
their families. For others, this is easy and their test is elsewhere. Whatever
be the persons test, a person can rarely be isolated from being part of the
framework.
SPENDING ON ONE’S FAMILY
وَعَلَى الْمَوْلُودِ لَهُ رِزْقُهُنَّ
وَكِسْوَتُهُنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ لاَ تُكَلَّفُ نَفْسٌ إِلاَّ وُسْعَهَا لاَ
تُضَارَّ وَالِدَةٌ بِوَلَدِهَا وَلاَ مَوْلُودٌ لَّهُ بِوَلَدِهِ
2:233
لِيُنفِقْ ذُو سَعَةٍ مِّن سَعَتِهِ وَمَن قُدِرَ عَلَيْهِ
رِزْقُهُ فَلْيُنفِقْ مِمَّا آتَاهُ اللَّهُ لا يُكَلِّفُ اللَّهُ نَفْسًا إِلاَّ
مَا آتَاهَا سَيَجْعَلُ اللَّهُ بَعْدَ عُسْرٍ يُسْرًا
65:7
وَمَا أَنفَقْتُم مِّن شَيْءٍ فَهُوَ يُخْلِفُهُ
وَهُوَ خَيْرُ الرَّازِقِينَ
34:39
289-"A dinar you spend in
Allah's way, or to free a slave, or as a charity you give to a needy person, or
to support your family, the one yielding the greatest reward is that which you
spend on your family".
290-"The most excellent
dinar is one that a person spends on his family, and the dinar which he spends
on his riding-animal in the way of Allah (in Jihad), and the dinar he spends on
his companions in the way of Allah".
-masculinity is that he is responsible, wise and able to
prioritise
291-Umm Salamah (May Allah be pleased with her)
reported:
I asked Messenger
of Allah (ﷺ), "Would I be rewarded for what I
spend on Abu Salamah's sons? For I can't let them go here and there (to beg
people)." Messenger of Allah (ﷺ)
replied, "Spend on them and you will be rewarded for what you spend on
them".
-Being dutiful to parents and dependants is a sign of upright
masculinity.
292-"Whatever you spend
seeking thereby the Pleasure of Allah, will have its reward, even the morsel
which you put in the mouth of your wife".
293-"When someone spends
on his family seeking his reward for it from Allah, it is counted as a charity
from him".
294-"Neglecting one's own
dependents is a reason enough for a man to commit a sin".
-Controlling emotions/desires is a sign of masculinity, not the
size of ones muscles. Therefore his manhood is not dictated by emotions -
rather he shows control and pardon, and these were best shown by the Prophet
himself.
295-"Two angels descend
every morning, and one says: 'O Allah, give him who spends something, in place
of what he spends.' The other one says: 'O Allah, give destruction to him who
withholds".
296-"The upper hand is
better than the lower one (i.e., the spending hand is better than the receiving
hand); and begin (charity) with those who are under your care; and the best
charity is that which given out of surplus; and he who asks (Allah) to help him
abstain from the unlawful and the forbidden, Allah will fulfill his wish; and
he who seeks self-sufficiency will be made self-sufficient by Allah".
SPENDING FROM WHAT YOU LIKE AND IS OF
QUALITY
-Masculinity is that a person is able to budget between himself
and family members.
e.g. Islam gives importance for appearance, where the Prophet
used Dhukoor and Inaath to talk about gold and silk.
لَن تَنَالُواْ الْبِرَّ حَتَّى تُنفِقُواْ مِمَّا
تُحِبُّونَ وَمَا تُنفِقُواْ مِن شَيْءٍ فَإِنَّ اللَّهَ بِهِ عَلِيمٌ
3:92
يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُواْ أَنفِقُواْ مِن
طَيِّبَاتِ مَا كَسَبْتُمْ وَمِمَّا أَخْرَجْنَا لَكُم مِّنَ الأَرْضِ وَلاَ
تَيَمَّمُواْ الْخَبِيثَ مِنْهُ تُنفِقُونَ وَلَسْتُم بِآخِذِيهِ إِلاَّ أَن
تُغْمِضُواْ فِيهِ وَاعْلَمُواْ أَنَّ اللَّهَ غَنِيٌّ حَمِيدٌ
2:267
297-Abu Talhah (May Allah be
pleased with him) was the richest among the Ansar of Al-Madinah and possessed
the largest property from palm-trees, and among his possessions what he loved
most, was his garden known as Bairuha' which was opposite the mosque, and
Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) often visited it and
drank from its fresh water. When this Ayah was revealed: "By no means
shall you attain Al-Birr (piety, righteousness - here it means Allah's reward,
i.e., Jannah), unless you spend (in Allah's Cause) of that which you
love," (3:92), Abu Talhah came to Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) and said, "Allah says in His Book: 'By no means shall you
attain Al-Birr, unless you spend (in Allah's Cause) of that which you love,'
and the dearest of my property is Bairuha' so I have given it as Sadaqah
(charity) for Allah's sake, and I anticipate its reward with Him; so spend it,
O Messenger of Allah, as Allah guides you." Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said, "Well-done! That is profit
earning property. I have heard what you have said, but I think you should spend
it on your nearest relatives." So Abu Talhah (May Allah be pleased with
him) distributed it among nearest relatives and cousins.
There
are three types of men:
1-Chaste,
pious, easy-going and has insight.
2-He
has no opinion of his own and is always looking at others in his situations.
3-Confused,
lost and has no aim. He doesn’t show obedience and doesn’t accept guidance.
-Umar al-Khattab
And Allah Knows best
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